Live your anxious life excitedly

Screenshot (34)

 

You are not alone, yet.

Why?

I am going through major fatigue levels to write this.

You can call it consistency, or you can call it being of service to you.

I do not care.

I am excited to give you news about anxiety!

Did you know that anxiety and excitement, are the same difference of two extreme intensities of a single emotion?

That would mean they share feelings bordering next to each other, just in different high states of arousal.

I know, I know.

It sounds “woo woo”, right?

What brings it to my attention is how anxiety has the power to make you or break you. I will break it down for you as to follow what happens in the mind, and how it affects your body too, in the clearest way possible.

Most people have a use of thinking which could kill them. Your views on it matters more than what you could imagine because you are not conscious of it now.

I suppose we do not want to suffer for too long, for it could design a life based on unimaginable worry.

Besides the troubling assumptions on this subject, I want to show you how to not let anxiety have control over you.

Instead of demonizing it, let us befriend it.

So the next time you see an anxious person, do not fret.

Rather than telling someone to calm down, you should simply tell them to feel excited.

So keeping it together would be bad, because it will expand into bad things which you do not want to happen.

We good when you expand it into your genuine side. And you know why?

The anxious you is the genuine you.

Because at the end of the day, you will have fun with it.

Alright. Let us get into it.

Signal vs Noise

This term is a model of framing information and conversation into two categories.

Signals-which contain a valuable message and and expressed with the intention of being a valuable message.

Noise-Which is little more than chatter and pyschobabble and outrage screaming.

I will model this around interpersonal relationship problems, and make use of stressful contexts and situations which people find themselves in when conversing.

Okay.

The modern world is riddled with distractions. These distractions are laced largely with NOISE, and it makes communication to be less effective, contributing a lack of awareness to be sharp in our senses to identify potential problems at their early stage.

Under times of stress, the threat mindset enters into the conversation between the two people (or more). The threat mindset is where everything just goes wrong, and the environment can interrupt and distort the effectiveness of our message to the person(s) who will receive it.

In their stressed minds, what they communicated could not match the originally intended message. Due to potentially being misunderstood, people become anxious since what has been said cannot be improvised upon as appropriate for the recipient.

As a consequence, the conversation process is muddled into ruins and ultimately, it is up to the recipient’s attention of how to make use of what has been said.

IMG_20180810_105650_031.JPG
What anxiety looks like in the threat mindset

 

And let us be real. There are sides in a conversation when talking to people who suffer from anxiety.

There is a genuine side to it, and there is a shitty side of it too.

You could have a genuine conversation with an anxious person, for as long as a true following develops towards the enveloping insight. The insight is important in this case because, your internal drive to know more can make you shut up and listen to what the other person has to say.

Something about their insight pulls you to decoding their web of neurosis. And ultimately, you examine more on your feedback according to what has already been said by the other person.

Yet, you do not respond in a sure fire way. You listen, wait, and learn a thing or two.

Remember that, as you are listening, they are your teachers and you are only a student to them.

Although that is a practical and observational, here is the shitty side of talking to people with an insidious anxiety.

You will meet people who will want to fool you for phony favours. You see a con man? He might be confident, but there’s that undercurrent of anxiety and frustration with it that emerges in their attempts to control the environment around you, and other people.

Why they do it?

Fear.

Their own mental grip on themselves is tenuous, so by controlling the external mirror of the conversation, they want you to internalise their lies into believing what they saying is true.

They do it in a way to externalise what is not even inside of them. They do not have the fire as you have. And just because they do not, well, you can just burn a hole in their souls for cowardly lying to your face.

Personally, I immediately cut my attention to save time if there is no curiosity generated by the conversation.

However, what if this conversation is real?

Well then, I engage my interactions to become a real conversation, as to seal the input of perspectives to derive from, for learning what you could teach me.

I try my best to make the person cough up what really runs in their mind.

Okay?

This is the first category of the communication (first speaker to second speaker). Let us transition into the second part as the following act (second speaker to first speaker).

The Honey Vision

Simply said, the honey vision is the changing of the threat mindset into an opportunity mindset. The opportunity mindset is where good things happen you do well.

Regardless how the conversation carries an inherent risk, there is a chance to getting that honey out of them.

The honey is pushing a SIGNALLING insight into your curiosity. You know you could leave this conversation, and forget about it.

But your conscience still says, “Shut up and investigate the SIGNALLING message. You will learn something.”

It is rather a pulling goal than a pushing goal.

A pulling goal is when you want to achieve something, so you come up with a plan and a structure. A pushing goal is when you have a plan and a structure, and you’re trying to figure out what to do with it.

Hence, you know what the honey vision is to you, but the other person does not. And so, you come up with ways to overcome their anxiety during the conversation.

Take your view

Check out this video from Atlantic.

What do people do when they see someone who is anxious? They tell them to calm down.

Well, news flash: that will not work.

Screenshot (36)
It is much easier to be excited than it is to be calm when you are anxious.

 

 

Why? You are treating them as if they have not been staying in a high state of arousal. You are treating them as you want to be treated.

Ultimately, the golden rule sucks.

You should, in fact, switch your comment from “calming down” to “smash those goals like a spartan.”

If you want anxious people to relax while conversing, but still maintaining that excitement as they talk to you. Then you need to familiarise their high state of arousal for anxiety, as an emotion which borders to excitement.

Intuitively, your mind will put a plan and structure of the conversation as you keep talking. You are transferring your energy into making the other person see the other side of their anxiety.

You are driving their genuinity to shine.

And how do you do it?

If treating people the same as you would like to be treated, then the golden rule is useless to initiate change within the frustrated individual. You will, however, do it if you adopt the platinum rule.

Treat them in a way that they do not know they want to be treated.

Visualise their threat mindset in yourself. Ask yourself, “How could I go through discomfort in order to get to the honey?”

And how I do it?

Make the person pay attention to you. 

You make a person pay attention to you by not being demanding, but commanding their attention.

You do it in a way that they have nothing else to do with it but make them give it to you anyways.

And do you know what their attention will be on what exactly?

Their attention will be concentrated on how you handle the tension, depending on the context of the situation given during the conversation.

The guy who has the frame of your tension is always the one that can handle the most energy (the recipient in this case), hence the frustrated individual is pulled to their charismatic gravity to just relax as you are about to pull off the hard work.

And where does all this begin?

LOOK AT THEM!

Pay attention to notice this, and respond in a way that surprises one to embrace the turn of events. And I guarantee you this…

Something happens inside of the frustrated individual.

When they relax their bodies, they reframe their threat mindset into an opportunity mindset, as a way to ease before talking.

Behavioral change is like showing a person two sides of the same coin. However, though, you will act as the third side of the coin.

Dealing With Tension

You would see someone going from a state of unawareness and bodily ignorance, where the body has to “scream” before people will notice anything wrong with the person.

Since there is very little genuine signalling, the recipient would have to deal with an infinite amount of noise making. The truth in it is that, people these days have low quality conversations because of tension. And if I am being honest, the conversation wreaks of weaknesses that make almost anyone repel from ever talking to you.

Some people (like myself) would remove themselves from the position of spectatorship during the conversation, and transfer my energy into this anxious person.

As you handle their attention, you pay notice ways to handling the tension of the conversation as thoughts are broadcasted during the conversation, which makes them at ease to say more.

Tension is a little more than excess energy coursing through your body. By viewing the grounds for this frame to work, you have to know what makes them tense in the first place.

You find the relevant open ended questions that allow you to reverse engineer from the honey to where the frustrated individual is. By doing this, you see the thorns they are entangled in.

And if the thorn pricks them, observe how you talk to them while simultaneously inspecting their behaviours. Because as you talk, people can mask the issue for a long time by acting one way, but internally still in be denial. This is actually a VERY common coping mechanism.

People will hide their pain and insecurity with anger, aggression, and bravado. They are putting on a “face” for the world while internally still be in a state of pain.

Their pain of not volumising their minds is not from what people did to them (in this case, being misunderstood), but how their shyness angers them up because of small mistakes, and magnifying that pain from their anxiety.

In short, do not pace the investment of the honey vision in their behaviour, but in the management of their tension. Because it’s the ability to handle tension that determines the transition from anxiety to excitement.

What Is Happening Inside Of My Mind?

Screenshot (38)
Check out Kelly McGonigal TED presentation on stress. 15 minutes long.

Here is the link to the Youtube video.

“Stress can make you social.

It involves a hormone called oxytocin, it is more than LOVE HORMONE.

It is NEUROHORMONE that fine-tunes your brain’s social instincts.

It primes you to do things that strengthen close relationships.

Oxytocin can make you crave physical contact with your friends and family.

It enhances your empathy, it even makes you willing to help and support the people you care about.”

But wait for it… Oxytocin is also…

“… a stress hormone.

Your pituitary gland pumps this stuff out as part of the stress response.

It’s as much a part of your stress response as your stress response as the adrenaline that makes your heart pound.

And when oxytocin is released in the stress response, it is motivating you to seek support.

Your biological stress response is nudging you to tell someone how you feel, instead of bottling it up.

Your stress response wants to make sure you notice when someone else in your life is struggling so that you can support each other.

When life is difficult, your stress response wants you to be surrounded by people who care about you.

 

In other words, caring creates resilience. So that’s why I am resilient to helping you out first before I help myself.

That is how selfless I could be in my selfishness.

Since you understand and willing to help out (still a big if), you first must become relaxed. The frustrated party would mirror that as the conversation progresses onwards.

As you keep on going, you are creating the biology of encouragement within the frustrated.

You are reaching out, in a subtle way.

BONUS

I am going to give you 9 tips how you could handle anxiety at your own.

  1. Eat more
  2. Sleep more
  3. Walk more
  4. Breathe more
  5. Follow the caffeine recycling period
  6. Be around people
  7. Do not rush so much
  8. Have more fun
  9. Understand that anxiety is a part of business life

In this article by Victor Pride of Bold and Determined, you will learn more.

If you are still suffering from anxiety after going all what I have for you, you want to be anxious.

You have the idea that the world is full anxiety and that there is no escape.

I say you are wrong.

Perception is the most powerful tool we own. The world is an idea. Make it your idea. Own that idea. Transcend that idea.

Always remember this though…

You are not alone.

Until next time,

Your hustler,

Tshepang.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: